Varnum Orangpoop

458.9 - sure, that must be a mistake, Varnum Orangpoop thought to himself. His wife had warned him to go easy on Grandma Herweg's famous banana bread. She was right; the scales didn't lie. He actually weighed 458.9 pounds. But in Varnum's defense, he gained weight easily. Sometimes, he downright inflated over the course of a few weeks. Then again there were periods of extreme weight loss. His family had long since stopped doubting his health. Varnum had been to some of the smartest monkey doctors in the world, some of them even experts in Bananaology. He went so far as to consult an astrologer who was trying to predict the trend of his weight based on the Great Conjunction. Although the mome...View all