Oh, hello. I'm Ari Wiley Diamond, captain of the S.S. Litterdeck. Did you know stars and their position in the sky control my destiny? I know, crazy right? I've been mistaken for Heathcliff because I'm so good at slacklining. If you can prove milk was invented by the government as a way to subdue the cat population then I'll eat my hand-made jewelry right here, right now.